Going Beyond the Surface in Your Oikos

Need to buy a TV?

[This blog appeared today at oikoschurches.com]

I used to work for a major electronics company that used to exist.  I worked there back in the day where sales people were required to wear a tie and a coat.  No, not this wasn't the 1950's, this was in the mid-1990's, before the advent of Best Buy and the casual untrained salesperson.

This company was very serious about well trained and well groomed salespeople.  They actually issued all employees special blazers to wear; a gray one and a blue one, and required good hygiene and professional appearance.  "Sales Counselors", as we were called, were only paid by commission back in those days, and in those days, a man could make a lot of money selling televisions.  Especially if you were a very large man, so large that you required a special order company blazer.

Mike was such a man.  Big and tall and big in the other direction too.  Friendly, knowledgeable, aggressive and crafty.  He was one of the top TV sales people in the entire company.  He could sell you and extended warranty even if you didn't buy a product to go with it.  Customers would spot his friendly frame the moment they walked in the door, and march right to him with their wallets open, leaving us average height blazers to scavenger for whatever potential sales were left in his wake. 

I liked Mike very much.  I enjoyed working with him, even though it probably meant I would make less money.   We worked together for 3 years at that store, and I thought I knew him pretty well.

One day, he asked me if I would help him move.  He had let me borrow his car a couple of times while mine was in the shop, so I figured I owed him one (or more.)  So I said "sure."

When I arrived at his house in an average neighborhood, he had a typical grass lawn with some low maintenance shrubbery.  But I was stunned to see what I saw when I walked in the door.

Squalor.

It was unbelievable.  To this day, it was the filthiest house I've ever seen in my life.  It was plain dirty.  When I say dirty, I mean literal piles of dirt.  On the floor, in the couch, everywhere.  The house was infested with all sorts of vermin, including cats, roaches and unidentifiable critters.  My thesaurus does not have a word to adequately describe the toxic and nearly visible odor.

His wife came out of the kitchen and greeted me warmly, thanking me for coming over to help.  His kids were in the back yard playing.  I won't even describe the kitchen, it was worse than you can imagine.  Mike was standing next to me, looking over his home as if he hadn't noticed it's condition, and visibly shrinking in size as he could no doubt sense by surprise and grief. 

I wanted to cry, I couldn't believe it.  I kept asking myself, "What was going on in this man's life, with his family, that would lead to this kind of lifestyle at home?"  It couldn't be healthy, it wasn't livable, yet, it was where this family resided.  I knew Mike was making nearly 6 figures based on commissions reports that were posted at the store to inspire the rest of us.  Was he in some kind of financial trouble?  Depression?  Tragedy?  What happened to this family?

I gladly and quickly helped him get his stuff out of the house.  This burden on him and his family had been well hidden, until he and I stood in his front yard on a hot day in a sea of moldy, ruined furniture.  We stood there looking at it, smelling it, and Mike, with a tear coming down his cheek, decided that most of it just needed to go to the dump.  He was right about that, and that is where we moved his stuff.

Nearly every day after that, a humbled Mike thanked me for my help.  He could hardly thank me without breaking down.  He never said it explicitly, but I know he also was thanking me for not telling any of our other co-workers, and thanking me for remaining his friend.

How well do you know your oikos?  These people that you work with, go to coffee with, study with - really, do you know them?   Have you ever asked yourself why God put you in their life?   Have you ever asked God to show you?   Truth is, many relationships today are surfacy, even within our oikos that are supposedly "close."  But as Christ followers, we are called to love our oikos, even when we discover something that is unlovable about them.  That's how Jesus loves us - and there is something unlovable about you and me for sure.

My encouragement is to pray that God will give you courage when He takes you beyond the surface of the life of someone in your oikos.  I think He'll answer that prayer in ways that will amaze you if you trust Him.  You won't always find the squalor I found, but whatever you find, you will find that you are the right person to be there.  God has planned it that way.   That's why it's your oikos.  And you have a great message of hope that is universal, so don't worry. 

I'm sure in Mike's case, God didn't put me there only to help him move.  After that day, I made sure that Mike knew I was a Christ follower.  I wasn't sure if he knew that before.  I thought I was his friend before, but I don't think I truly was until I saw his home.   I invited him and his family to church with me, they came a few times, and he had a lot of good questions.  We did a few things socially after work together and I tried to just be his friend. 

Turns out, Mike's wife was a Christian, but hadn't really trusted God much for a while, and Mike had been to church as a kid but struggled to accept God's grace.  I don't know where Mike and his family are today, or where they stand with their faith.  Shortly after his move, I moved to a new town and a new oikos.   I never discovered why his house was in such disarray.  But today, I am praying for his oikos, whoever they are, whomever God has surrounded him with, that they would be a blessing to him

Who knows, maybe Mike is following Jesus and blessing those in his oikos today?  Hope so...

SCF
twitter.com/scottfurrow

Obligatory Bible in 90 Days Plug

According to a recent poll, 75 million Americans have a lifelong goal of reading the entire Bible. Its a worthy goal for anyone - not just people to go to churches that teach the Bible. After all, its the best selling book of all time, its the most researched document there is, and it is the foundation of western thought.

Did you know that in less than an hour a day, you can read the entire Bible, cover to cover in 90 Days? 12 pages a day. That's it. The whole thing. 3 months and you are done.

I've asked our church to do this with me. Starting yesterday, June 7, by the Labor Day weekend, people who keep up will have read the entire Bible (you can start anytime you want of course.) Not a bad answer to the question "What did you read this summer?"

Too many Christians never bother to read it, which is why they misuse it and fall for the tricks of the TV preachers... and worse. Every person who claims to be a Christian needs to read this book, which shouldn't have to be said, but it has to be said. Christians who do read through the Bible experience amazing life change, sometimes dramatically.

The troubles and errors of the Church in history do not come from the Bible; they come from a misreading and misapplication of the Bible, usually caused by a fruit salad approach to it - pulling verses you like out of context to make a point or defend a bad position. This is also the source of most people's trouble with the Bible who don't believe it. They take a verse here or there out of the greater context and make a falsely informed decision about God. Sometimes they believe a Christian's interpretation that is wrong in the first place. The book is meant to be taken as a whole, not as a collection of glib religious suggestion and gobbledygook.

And for my agnostic friends out there - you can't be a good agnostic and not read the Bible. Don't be a hypocrite agnostic! Read it.

Atheists? Well, a recent Pew Research poll suggests 21% of atheists believe in God. No joke. Guess you better read it too and then decide whether you are an atheist who believes in God or not.

A few years ago, someone gave me a Three Year Bible. I was instantly amused... and somewhat disturbed. The advantage of the 90 day approach is that you can enjoy the story that is told all the way through the Bible, rather than a disconnected bits and pieces you would get in a 3 year approach. When read straight through, its an epic drama, with heroes and villains, sex and violence, fall and redemption, struggle and victory. And in the end, good defeats evil - love wins!

The Bible is a scholarly book, but it isn't written for scholars. Its a collection of stories and history and poems and songs written most often by the worst of sinners. So, while some of it is hard to understand, most of it is easy to understand. Reading quickly, you can just keep moving - the story has its slow moments, but there is a great payoff for each difficult passage.

As well as a good story, this is a book that also makes bold and certain claims about God and our relationship to him, purpose and meaning of life, and eternal destiny. At minimum, its worth an open read, wouldn't you say?

So, this is not intended to start a debate or even to push buttons. Its just to say that this is a great way to read through the Bible, a goal everyone has a good reason to accomplish.

Here are some helps:

A daily reading plan bookmark

My own 3 minute daily podcast with my reading reflections (cheesy music included!) (iTunes required)

You can use any Bible translation you want, however, lots of Bibles have study notes and small fonts and other things that make the task seem much bigger. Additionally, a modern translation will help so you don't feel like you are reading Shakespeare for 90 Days. Please note that "The Message Bible" is not a Bible, its a commentary, so it doesn't count. I recommend the New International Version. (If you are using a Catholic Bible, the "apocrypha" is not included in the 90 Day plan, so you could tack on another month if you really want to.)

There is a Bible published that is specifically designed for the 90 Day plan, reading plan included, as well as some other supplementary material (audio versions, group study materials, etc.) I am setting up a link for these items through our church that will pay a commission that we will donate 100% to a San Diego charity, likely the Rescue Mission. You can find these items here for the time being.

Enjoy your summer reading... let me know if you have any questions.

SCF

The Chinese Oikos and the Garage Door

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to speak at the Chinese Bible Church here in San Diego. I took French in high school and college, which, once again, was not valuable. But who takes Chinese anyway? Fortunately, I had an interpreter.

Whenever I am asked to speak somewhere, whether it be a church or other kind of community organization, it tends to be on one of just a couple of topics. Most often, I introduce audiences to the idea of their "oikos." I plan on writing more extensively about oikos in the next week or two. Most people reading this probably have some idea of the concept and how it works. But, in short, it goes like this:

Oikos is the Greek word meaning "household." In terms of ancient Greek society and in modern sociology, this "household" is not simply your spouse and 2.5 kids that live with you in your domicile. It refers to the people who surround you in your relational world, your circle of influence. One sociologist says your oikos is the group of people you spend an hour or more with or around every day. So for most people, their oikos consists of the people who do live in thier domicile, and also their family or roommates or strangers who move in to your house when you are away for Christmas (subject of another experience I should blog about.) It also consists of coworkers you were most closely with, classmates you see every day, the people who live next door to you. The average person has between 8-15 people in their oikos. For me, about 8 of them are Starbuck's baristas.

Oikos is vital to any society's survival. When people pay attention to their oikos, and work to meet each others needs, society works very well. When people ignore the needs of the people around them, society begins to crumble. Its all about the oikos.

So, to any audience, the concept is received well. Its basically a practical and tangible way to love your neighbor. I have now taught the concept in 3 languages and to people of all ages and backgrounds. It is a great equalizer. You don't get to choose your oikos (maybe your spouse, but that's it.) Therefore, everyone has an oikos and everyone is in someone else's oikos. Its unavoidable.

One person from the Chinese congregation shared with me afterward that he thought the oikos idea would work well in the Chinese community here. He said they basically practice this as a culture anyway and that to actually list our your 8-15 people will just make it even more practical. He was very appreciative.

But then he said something interesting. He asked me how the oikos philosophy is working in my church, since "westerners don't tend to do this very well." It is indeed harder for westerners in many respects because we love our walls.

How many of us really know the people who live next door or across the street or in the neighboring apartment? You may remember that in the terrorist manuals that were found after 9/11, the terrorists were advised to not be too concerned about their American neighbors since typically the neighbors aren't paying any attention and will hardly take the time to get to know you. They should expect to make their plans and build their bombs without much interference from the neighbors. It was a sad commentary.

I read one study that blamed automatic garage door openers for this phenomenon in American culture. It suggested that many years ago, people got to know their neighbors because they were often outside watering the grass with a hose and sitting on the porch to cool off becuase there was no air conditioning in the house. And when people got home from work, they had to get out of their car, and actually go open the garage door by hand. All of that out door time presented opportunity to say hello to neighbors, strike up conversations, invite them over for a bar-b-que etc.

Today, for most Americans, we get to our house, while staying in the car, we click the clicker, drive in the garage, then click the clicker again and get out of the car in our private garage with the door down and go into the house. Our built in sprinklers water the grass automatically, and the air is cleaner and more comfortable in our house. Safe. Away from pesky neighbors that we are suspicious of because they never talk to us.

Kristy and I have been making an effort to actually get to know our neighbors. They are in our oikos and we are committed to getting to know those people. Interestingly, the two families we are actually getting to know are the only two families who spend time outside their home.

Across the street, they water their yard with a hose and they sit in lawn chairs to get out of their hot house since they don't have A/C. The other family has a game room and bar in their garage and are often out there. For the most part, we have been unable to get to know our other neighbors simply because we never ever see them. We are planning to invite them over for dinner. They may call the cops on us, but we'll see.

More on oikos later. But its an interesting experience that has me thinking much more today about how important it is that we are concerned about our own oikos. As a Christ Follower, I think its not an option.

I encourage you this way - do you know who your oikos is?

SCF